


on my mind

by boxuan



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Halloween, Happy Ending, NSFW, Smut, alcohol i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-03 06:40:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15813516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boxuan/pseuds/boxuan
Summary: Jeongyeon and Jihyo are on the same wavelength, but Jeongyeon doesn’t know how to swim. (Jihyo is there to teach her.)





	on my mind

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kim](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kim/gifts).



When she was younger, Jeongyeon thought she’d lose her virginity to the boy she married, at her wedding night. That plan turned out to be doomed from the very beginning, given that: 1) she realized she doesn’t want to marry, and 2) then realizing she _does_ want to marry, just not a boy. Either way, her dream of her “transformation into a grown woman” (to quote her mother in an extremely embarrassing talk about the bees and the birds) vanished as quickly as a bottle of wine in a room with Nayeon in it.

Her first relationship held for a good two weeks (Bona decided to pursue a girl called Luda instead ; Jeongyeon was devastated for a whole day), and from middle school to college she never had a relationship.

  
  


Then she met Jihyo, and the topic suddenly became all important again.

  
  


Sure, she had thought about it before. Her friends have done it (Nayeon and Momo have been together for ages, and it’s not like they’re hiding how much they love each other), and she doesn’t exactly hate the idea of sex. It just feels like it has been lingering in the air for the past weeks, ever since they hit their four month anniversary. Jihyo isn’t pressuring her or anything - god, _anyone_ but Park Jihyo -, but she feels pressured nonetheless.

  
…

  
Jihyo has one motto, Jeongyeon learned that the hard way when they became friends. “If you start something, you have to finish it.” That’s why she is amazingly good at what she does (studying law, being a good person and also singing karaoke).

It also makes her incredibly stubborn because she knows, eventually, she’ll get her way.

“Why do we have to go?”, Jeongyeon groans. Jihyo tuts, frowning. “Because Nayeon is our friend, if you forgot. Why are you so opposed to going to a party?”

“It’s our anniversary”, Jeongyeon eventually mumbles, even though through gritted teeth. It’s still kind of hard to her to express her emotions. Especially vulnerability. “I wanted to go out with you, not get wasted at some party.”

“Come on, Jeong! It’s Halloween!”, Jihyo moans.

(Yeah, their monthly anniversary is on Halloween this time, and yeah, maybe Jeongyeon had this idea of them going to a haunting house together because Jihyo did say nothing scares her and she kind of wants to prove her wrong. _Maybe._ )

“So?”

“I already told Nayeon and Momo we’re coming.”

“Well”, Jeongyeon says, pride cracking her voice, “you can go. I’ll stay at home.”

Jihyo glares at her. “You don’t mean that.”

“No, I don’t.” Jeongyeon sighs, running her hand through her hair.

“Listen, babe”, Jihyo grabs Jeongyeon’s hand and smiles one of those beaming grins she adores so much, “we’re staying for two, three hours and then we can leave and do whatever you want to do, alright? It’s just.. since we became a couple, we rarely see the others, you know? I feel so out of touch with everyone.” Jihyo looks at her with an expression as if she’s going to cry soon.

  
  


Jeongyeon knows Jihyo’s motto by heart, but it surprises her every time again when she’s getting screwed up by it.

  
…

  
Jeongyeon stays quiet for a solid ten seconds when she sees Jihyo’s costume.“What’s wrong?”, Jihyo says, standing with her hands on her hips, frowning.

“Nothing”, Jeongyeon truthfully stutters, gesturing to Jihyo’s figure. “I guess it’s just hard looking…. anything but sexy with a body like this.”

Jihyo has dressed up as a bunny in the best (worst) way possible. One of those tight bodysuits, bunny ears and high heels. Nothing else.

“Aww”, Jihyo purrs, wrapping her hands around Jeongyeon’s waist, “I think you look sexy, too.“ She reaches to kiss Jeongyeon, but when her tongue tries to enter Jeongyeon’s mouth, Jeongyeon turns her head and keeps them at a distance.

Kissing Jihyo has this weird effect on her, makes her all fuzzy in the head. And, frankly, she doesn’t know how long she can make out with Jihyo before she loses control, because - fuck, Jihyo is really good at kissing. So she turns away before she can see Jihyo’s hurt expression.

“You look very nice”, Jihyo eventually says. Jeongyeon can hear the smile in her voice. Jeongyeon puckers her lips unconsciously as she looks at her outfit. She tried to went for Pinocchio, but it looked bland (Momo admitted she looked like personified dirt), so she put all of her green stuff together and now is Peter Pan. She was quite proud of the idea, to be honest, especially because her red coconut hair, but when she sees Jihyo literally glowing of beauty, it makes her want to go change. (Not that she’d be comfortable showing as much skin as her girlfriend does.)

“Thanks.”

“It’s a shame we didn’t think of matching”, Jihyo thoughtfully says, stroking Jeongyeon’s cheek, “let’s think of something together next year.”

Jeongyeon’s heart does a little loop in her chest. Jihyo keeps doing this. Talking about a future with them as a couple. Whether unintentionally or not - it’s Jeongyeon’s favorite thing to think about. Right after how she feels after Jihyo kissed her for no reason. (Yes, she’s aware that they don’t need an occasion to kiss, but her heart still flutters whenever Jihyo steals a kiss just like that. She supposes it’s the evidence of Jihyo still liking her that gets her.)

Jeongyeon searches for Jihyo’s hand and squeezes it, grinning at her when she looks up.“Let’s get ready for the party.”

  
…

  
The party is at Nayeon’s, and naturally, it screams Halloween as soon as they enter. Fake fog, fake spider webs, fake skeletons.“Don’t you think Nayeon has way too much money on her hands?”, Jeongyeon mumbles into Jihyo’s ear as they’re making their way to the crowd to find their friends.

Jihyo laughs, albeit she stops abruptly when she stumbles over a gummy hand. Jeongyeon holds onto her hand after that, even though she knows that’s fake security solely. But she really likes the concept of being Jihyo’s guardian.

“Jeonghyo!”, Sana yells the second she sees them, waving them other to the others. They’re standing in the kitchen, currently on the search for something new to drink. Chaeyoung sits on the counter to talk to Dahyun and Tzuyu, while Mina is handing them cans of coke. Nayeon and Momo are off somewhere - probably welcoming guests (they keep flooding in ; at this rate the house is going to burst).

“Don’t call us that”, Jeongyeon frowns but grins soon when Sana pulls them into a hug. Sana looks gorgeous in her devil outfit - red dress and little horns. “Look, Jihyo, we’re matching”, Sana smirks, planting a kiss on Jihyo’s cheek. This public display of affection makes Jeongyeon pucker her lips. Jihyo snickers when she sees her girlfriend’s expression.

“Come on, let’s get you something to drink!”

Jeongyeon often catches herself thanking god that they’re this close to joke around comfortably. She doesn’t get exactly jealous - deep down she knows it’s all just having fun -, but her insecurities can be pretty convincing.(Jihyo could have anyone. Why would she chose _her_?)

Jeongyeon snaps out of her thoughts when Jihyo thrusts a cup into her hand.“What’s this?”

“Dunno. It looks like blood, though.” Jeongyeon inconspicuously lowers the drink, looking for a table to place it. Jihyo chuckles. She sees right through her.“I’ll get you a wine somewhere.”

She leaves, not before kissing Jeongyeon softly, and Jeongyeon catches herself gazing after her like she’s just crushed on her.

“She knows you well, huh?”

Jeongyeon flinches, turning around to Sana, who is leaning on the kitchen’s door.“Yeah”, she answers, giving her a small smile. “Hey, I’ve meant to ask - do you like someone at the moment?”

Sana blinks, obviously confused for a second, before she gets it.

“Ah, Jeongie, If this is about Jihyo and me-“

“Oh god, no”, Jeongyeon quickly interferes, crossing her hands in front of her chest, “god, no. This wasn’t- honestly, I was just-“

“Jeongyeong”, Sana softly interrupts her, grabbing her hands and cups her cheeks with them. “If you could see how Jihyo looks at you when you’re unaware of it, you wouldn’t ask these questions. You and Jihyo are good. You have nothing to be intimidated of.”

“I really”, Jeongyeon closes her eyes, embarrassed she’s so see through, “wasn’t asking for- for Jihyo. I just wanted to know if you liked someone.”

“Oh”, Sana says, letting go of Jeongyeon, “I do, actually! Her name is Kyungri - she’s a senior, and-“

“Hey”, Jihyo comes back, sweating a little from fighting the dancing crowd, “What did I miss?”

Sana gushes about her crush for a while before Nayeon and Momo turn up.“Guys!”, Nayeon beams, Momo tightly by her side, “hi! Long time no see!”

 _They_ have the costume couple thing figured out. Momo’s a police officer and Nayeon - well, Nayeon is a police officer with much less clothes on. Momo doesn’t seem to mind at all.

The nine of them chat and laugh about anecdotes melancholically shared. Jeongyeon sips on her wine with a smile, barely flinching anymore when Jihyo rests her head on her shoulder. (Jihyo does this a lot. She’s gotten used to it.)

“I can’t stand anymore”, she pouts, “can we go dance?”

Jeongyeon, thankful for a distraction, grabs her hand and pulls her, shouting over her shoulder to the others, “see you in a bit!”

She ignores the whistle and claps from Nayeon and Momo as they blend in with the crowd.

  
  


…

  
  


Jihyo has this talent to stand out, no matter how many people are around them. Jeongyeon only sees her, no matter if Jihyo intends to or not.

This time, she definitely does.

She smiles when Jihyo digs her hand in Jeongyeon’s hand and presses her lips onto hers. Their teeth clash when Jihyo pulls Jeongyeon deeper to her. Jeongyeon can’t help but let out a whimper, but when the sound reaches her own ears, she snaps out of it and pushes Jihyo away. More roughly than anticipated. (Jihyo stumbles against people behind her, making them look at her funnily. Fuck.)

Her heart gets cut in half when she sees Jihyo’s hurt expression.“Jihyo”, Jeongyeon tries to reach out, but Jihyo flinches. She puts on a fake smile like a mask. (Additionally to being ripped apart, her heart is stomped on.)

“Just getting something to drink”, she chirps in an unnaturally pitched voice, “see you in a second.” She makes her way through the crowd and slams the door to Nayeon’s bedroom. Jeongyeon is left alone in the crowd.

  
  


…

  
  


Instead of knocking - Jihyo wouldn’t have been able to hear it over the noisy music, anyway -, Jeongyeon slowly opens to the door, ready to shut it again any moment. After (unintentionally) hurting her, the least she could give to her girlfriend now is privacy. Or a ride home.

She steps in and closes the door behind her, standing at the entrance for a second to check the situation. Jihyo sits on the corner of Nayeon’s bed, fiddling with her hands. All spirits seem to have left her body.

Jeongyeon closes her eyes to breathe her heartache away. Then she sits down next to Jihyo - leaving an appropriate gap between the both of them that says, “I respect you and I’m sorry for what I’ve done”. (She has learned to perfect this space.)

“Hey”, she quietly says. Jihyo doesn’t answer.“Listen, Jihyo, I’m- I’m really sorry. I just realized we were surrounded by so many people and- I didn’t feel comfortable being watched. I didn’t mean to push you. That doesn’t make it an excuse, but-“

  
  


“Am I so repulsive to you?”

  
  


Jeongyeon’s eyes widen. “What?”

Jihyo finally looks up. There’s tears in her eyes. Jeongyeon automatically reaches to dry them like she always does, but Jihyo turns her head.

“You- you keep pulling away, you realize that?”, Jihyo laughs. It’s an empty sound that brings Jeongyeon’s back goosebumps. “Whenever I try to do anything that’s more than a peck on your lips, I can physically feel you turning away. It’s… I know you enjoy it, because I can _hear_ it-“, Jeongyeon’s ears and cheeks turn bright red despite how much she doesn’t want them to, “so I just want to ask - am I that ugly? Because I know I’m not exactly the most beautiful person alive, but you’d think at least with closed eyes you could pretend-“

Jeongyeon lets out something between a choke and a whimper.

“What?”, Jihyo sniffs, carelessly rubbing her dried tears away, almost as if she was angry at herself for crying.

Jeongyeon’s heart breaks a bit, because ; how could god herself think so lowly of herself?

“Jihyo”, she starts, concentrating hard not to let the tears stream down her face, “the reason I push you away is because… listen, no one has ever seen me before”, she points to her very well covered body, “and I’ve never gone past kissing with anyone, but if I wanted to, I would- want to do it with you.”

She doesn’t know if she’s gotten her point across, so she adds for emphasis, “because you _are_ the most beautiful person alive and I love you very much.”

Jihyo bursts into tears again, and Jeongyeon thinks, fuck appropriate gaps, and pulls her into a hug. They just sit for a while, Jeongyeon just caressing Jihyo’s back and whispering comfort to her ear.

It’s not often they can be found like this ; Jeongyeon cries much more than Jihyo does, and Jihyo is much stronger than Jeongyeon considers herself to be. Nonetheless, Jeongyeon tries her very best to comfort her girlfriend.

“Guess we both have more than insecurities than we knew about”, Jihyo eventually says, softly breaking the hug.“Yeah”, Jeongyeon confirms. “I’m sorry if I made you feel like anything but loved.”

Jihyo chuckles. “You old romantic.”Jeongyeon grins, slowly gaining confidence. “ _Your_ old romantic.” Jihyo cups Jeongyeon’s face and kisses her. It’s slow. Jihyo’s lips seem to fondle hers, and her nails gently scratch over Jeongyeon’s cheeks. Jeongyeon shifts her weight as she turns her knees to Jihyo ; having tried not to release her mouth from Jihyo’s, their teeth clashed, and she makes it up by intertwining her hands on Jihyo’s neck, adjusting her position so Jihyo has easier game putting her tongue into her throat.

And so she does.

Jeongyeon melts as Jihyo’s flavors numb her mouth, her tongue, her lips - and send a flame down her spine. Involuntarily, she moans against her lips, which Jihyo takes as a signal to lower her hands. Jeongyeon enjoys is a lot - an understatement, she already feels a throbbing sensation between her legs, but, god, this is awkward. So she gently unlocks her lips from Jihyo’s, just so she can whisper, “Jihyo, can… can I tell you something?”Jihyo sighs in a sort of dreamy way (giving Jeongyeon even more goosebumps), and breathes, “you know you can always tell me anything.”

“I’m kind of nervous”, Jeongyeon mumbles right next to Jihyo’s cheek, trying her best to focus as Jihyo idly strokes her thighs, “I mean, I’ve barely kissed anyone before you… and… I really don’t want to disappoint you.”

She ends her monologue of insecurity by swallowing thickly, suddenly very glad she can barely see Jihyo in the dim light.“Jeongyeon”, Jihyo says ; Jeongyeon can hear the suppressed tears in her eyes, “you could never disappoint me.”

“No?”

“Fuck, no.”

Jihyo pushes Jeongyeon down, but gently, her hands intertwining with Jeongyeon’s as if to say, “let go for a while”. Jeongyeon swallows when Jihyo’s figure appears above her, more divine than god itself.

And she can’t believe her luck when Jihyo slides Jeongyeon’s bangs out of her forehead to be able to see her, eyes glowing with pride, and - her stomach does a flip when she realizes - genuine, unconditional love.

Needless to say, Jeongyeon has never been more attracted to her, so in a rush of boldness, she pulls Jihyo down and kisses her. Jihyo lets out a muffled sound, obviously taken by surprise, but it soon turns into small moans. It drives Jeongyeon crazy. With cartoon stars bouncing around her head and her heart rate going up until she can feel the bass in her body.

She’s extremely turned on, which doesn’t really surprise her - Jihyo is everywhere, her bare thigh spreading Jeongyeon’s legs, teasingly pushing further and further, her hands slowly untucking Jeongyeon’s shirt, and her tongue doing things to her that make Jeongyeon grasp the sheets harder and-

“Jeongyeon?”, Jihyo whispers when Jeongyeon lets out a whimper against her lips. “We… we don’t have to do this, alright? I’m perfectly fine waiting. I don’t want to do anything you’re not comfortable to do.”

“Jihyo”, Jeongyeon breathes, “I really, really, really want you right now.”Jihyo’s gaze turns soft.

  
  


“Let’s do it slowly.”

And so they do.

  
  


Jeongyeon tries not think - that she’s not wearing matching underwear, that she’s about to have sex at her friend’s bed, that she’s about to have sex -, which is hard, but Jihyo’s kisses are a welcome distraction.

She’s also reassuring. “We can stop whenever you want”, she keeps saying, “just say the word. It’s okay”, so much Jeongyeon eventually starts giggling, burying her face in her hands in embarrassment.“It’s- it’s fine, Jihyo”, she smiles, wrapping her hands around Jihyo’s waist, “I trust you.” She hesitates. “Can I-?”

She lightly touches the bodysuits material, hoping her girlfriend will catch the hint because the mere thought of undressing Park Jihyo reddens her ears.“Of course”, Jihyo answers, huskily, seating herself right to make it easier for Jeongyeon. Her hands tremble a bit when she pulls down Jihyo’s bodysuit, discovering that she isn’t wearing a bra….fuck.

Jeongyeon is trying not to stare, but it’s _hard_. They’ve undressed in front of each other, sure, but she’s never looked at Jihyo like this before. (She could literally feel the blush creeping onto her skin every time she laid her eyes upon her.) Jihyo supposedly notices it, too, because she starts laughing when she see Jeongyeon’s expression.

“Are you always eating up people with your eyes like that?”, she jokes, and Jeongyeon has to suppress the urge to hide her face behind her hands.

“Could you- um, finish up?” Jeongyeon gestures to the bodysuit wrapped around Jihyo’s waist.

“Why, won’t you?”, Jihyo fake pouts, suddenly having way too much confidence (for Jeongyeon’s liking), and pulls Jeongyeon closer to her.

  
  


_Fuck._

  
  


“Babe.”

Jeongyeon doesn’t have to ask more than that - Jihyo loves her more than she loves teasing her - and Jihyo pulls down her clothing. It’s now Jeongyeon notices that under the surface, Jihyo is nervous, too. As insecure as she is, she would bet on it.

  
  


So Jeongyeon hurries to undress herself.

  
  


When she struggles with her zipper, Jihyo gestures her to let go. A shiver is prickling down her neck when she pulls down Jeongyeon’s jeans, (so not) accidentally brushing against her bare thighs as she goes. Jeongyeon gulps when her shirt lands somewhere in the room‘s corner.“Um, how do we..”, she quietly says, gesturing on their bodies, “like, exactly?”

“Just relax. Come here. And Jeongyeon melts into Jihyo’s arms when she starts kissing her.

  
…

  
Kissing Jihyo is something Jeongyeon quite can’t get tired of, ever.

  
…

  
Jeongyeon doesn’t know what’s softer, the mountain of pillows she’s currently lying on, or Jihyo’s hands touching her inner thighs.

“Baby?”, Jihyo breathes.

“Y-Yeah?”

“Can I-?” She gently spreads Jeongyeon’s legs further. Jeongyeon nods. If not her, the throbbing between her legs is begging for Jihyo to speed the hell up.

Jihyo slowly places two fingers onto Jeongyeon’s entrance, leading to Jeongyeon sharply sucking her breath in.“I want to see you when you come”, Jihyo huskily explains ; her eyes seem darker than usual, “if that’s okay for you?”

Jeongyeon wraps her arms around Jihyo’s body, hoping that’s enough of an answer.

(It is.)

Her finger nails scratch on Jihyo’s back, her body trembles and her eyes flutter shut when Jihyo’s inside of her. The air tastes like Jihyo.

“You’re so responsive”, Jihyo lowly mumbles, “have you never touched yourself?”

“N…no”, Jeongyeon admits through gritted teeth, trying very hard to focus because she’s about to pass out from the things Jihyo is doing to her body right now. “I wanted - fuck -, you to be.. the first.. to -, _oh fucking hell_ -“

She whimpers when her girlfriend adds another finger (she’s now sure she’s going to die).

“You were saying?”, Jihyo innocently asks.

“Bully”, Jeongyeon says.

And then she comes into Jihyo’s arms.

  
  


…

  
  


“What was it like?”, Jihyo quietly asks, playing with Jeongyeon’s hand in hers. “Are you disappointed?”

“How could I be”, Jeongyeon mumbles. The blush on her cheeks still hasn’t faded ; every time it tries to, she remembers what they’ve just done and it returns stronger than before. “I’m just sorry I couldn’t- uh, return the favor to you.”

Jihyo snickers. “It’s fine. I’m glad you enjoyed.”

“I didn’t tell you that.”

“Didn’t have to.”

Jeongyeon lightly punches her girlfriend as same laughs, but she can’t help but smile herself.

“Hey, Jihyo?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

Jihyo smiles. “I know.” She leans in for a last kiss, this time soft and tender, before standing up.“I love you, too.”

  
…

  
“Where have you been? We’ve been searching you for like-“

Nayeon stops talking when she sees her closest friends. Untidy costumes, red faces, messy hair.

Her face darkens when she sees Jihyo’s smug and Jeongyeon’s awkward smile.

  
  


“Fucking hell. You’re joking, right?”

 

**Author's Note:**

> ive never been so embarrassed in my life


End file.
